Two Questions.

Is it terrible?

1) That I kind of love it when my baby eats too fast while nursing and kind of chokes? Her face is so darling, and she throws her head back in this super dramatic way. It was even more dramatic when she was first born. Like someone else was running the show and she had no idea that this much food was coming her way. Kind of put out... So darling. I don't ever want to forget those moments, and the way she looked. So tiny, too.

2) That our dog seems to get on my nerves? Often. Tonight, we hung out with some friends that have a 6 month old, as well as a couple that are expecting in June. Lots of baby talk. I wouldn't've mentioned it, except the other mom did, and said that she is just no longer so into her dog. I don't want to give him away or anything like that. What it comes down to is that there is so much neediness that goes on around here, and, unfortunately, the dog catches the brunt of the frustration or non-tolerance...

Nearly 2 Years...

Since I made a post. That's because I mostly suck at doing things online. However, I'm thinking that I'm going to give it another go. Not because I think what I have to say is so worth making available to the masses (masses?), but because I can type faster than I can write and I think I'll possibly enjoy looking back at such things.

Our baby, A.G., was born on 12.23.10. It has been SUCH a trip since then. However, I think this week has been particularly impactful because she started daycare. On Monday, we took her together for the first day. That was all fine and well; I got a bit teary when we were leaving, but it wasn't terrible. My husband picked her up that evening. She was totally beat, and slept through the night. This was, of course, awesome (except my boobs were about to explode, but that's a whole other deal...).

That night, I went to Target at 9.15pm. It was the first moment of 'now-I'm-a-real-working-mom' feeling that I've had. It was like, this is the only time I can imagine having time to get there. And what I bought: bathtub letters and numbers, nursing pads (inadvertently got non-stick ones~ why hasn't someone invented ones that stick to your skin so you don't have to wear a bra?!), some pacifiers, and a couple other non-fun, mom-like items. However, Tuesday was the real kicker. I picked A up from daycare, and since Tuesday is the one night a week I'm responsible for dinner, I decided I should try for something that wasn't totally lame. So we went to the grocery store. I. Never. Go. To the grocery store. In and of itself, I don't have any problem with the grocery store. However, it mostly overwhelms me, I want to buy tons of stuff, and B is the one in charge of all that. So I typically don't mess with it. But again, I wanted to make a non-sucky dinner. Which I actually did. Asian chicken with ginger and brussels sprouts. It was pretty great, if I do say so myself. We also went to the hardware store to get some topsoil for the vegetable garden.

I've recently had the experience of feeling like I'm waiting for my life to start, then having another thought, concurrently, that this is my life. And that's crazy. I'm going to the store, with my baby and getting things to make dinner. It's like, who's in charge of this?! Certainly not me. Also in the category of OMG, is this really REAL?~ I opened a 403b at work so that we can be 'responsible'. I have an Aflac account withholding money pre-tax so I can pay for daycare. At some point, we have become [ostensibly] real adults. It's hard to wrap my brain around. Then there's the fact that I still work. 4 days a week, I'm in my tiny office, trying to save the world. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but I do work for a non-profit that requires a lot of brain-power and a fair amount of compassion, in balanced doses. It's a challenging job, and because I'm a therapist, there are tons of opportunities for self-reflection/self-doubt/self-recrimination/etc. So I'm working to get the balance figured out (does that ever happen, really?). I have some awesome people in my life; there are folks that have gone before me with babies and with work, and I am so blessed to have people I can ask all the questions... Ultimately, though, it's my lesson to learn. Here are some of the things that I have on my plate:

• Vegetable Garden: Love it, want to love it, struggle to do it 'right'. I am about to get some lettuce and greens in, though. Thanks, B, for tilling!!!


• Student Loan Biz: Would like to get them consolidated, maybe forgiven after 10 years for working the social services (i.e. the bonus for not actually making any real money...). Can the 10 years be backdated to include when I actually started work? Good question...


• A's Baby Book: I do have some pictures in it, but need to get more printed. Which means organizing the ridiculous number of photos on my computer to know which ones I want.


• The Rug: I started crocheting a rug out of old t-shirts while I was pregnant. Then I quit working on it for about the first ten weeks of our daughter's life. I'd like to get it done before she moves from the bassinet to her room. We'll see.


• EMDR Certification: I've had the training, and need to work on getting my employer to pay for the consultation required to be certified. It's tricky for a number of reasons, not the least of which that my supervisor seems to think it's a bit hoaky. Nevermind that it's recognized by the major players in the trauma field, and that the Dept of Defense identifies EMDR as one of the treatments for PTSD in vets. Hopefully she'll come around...

That pretty much covers what I can think of right this minute. I do have other things, like remembering to make March my 'month' for self-care, on the recommendation of my midwife. She suggested picking one month to get all my health care stuff taken care of, which I thought was genius. I also would like to read The 7 Spiritual Laws for Parents (Deepak Chopra) every year. But I should probably finish it first... My supervisor, who I have a ton of respect for, also recommended a book by Meg Meeker, called The 1o Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity. There are a million books that I'd like to read, so I'm going to have to work on keeping that manageable and realistic... That will certainly be a challenge.

Life is a challenge, huh? I'm lucky to have an awesome husband and darling baby to share it, though.

Kicked Off the Student Island

So on Saturday I graduated with my MA. I have no job, or any real prospects. I thought I'd keep track of my progress (?)...

Interestingly enough, I didn't even check my email yesterday. I spent all day working on craft project I've been putting off for literally years. This may suggest that I'm not trying very hard on the job front. Today has been different, which is a good thing.

I have officially signed up for ACA (the American Counseling Association) in order to obtain the liability insurance required for practicing therapy legally, albeit without pay. That's an important step. I also filled out part one, of a zillion or so, of the registration form required for supervision registration. They don't really tell you just how much work is necessary after you graduate.

Slowly but surely (and hopefully!) I progress down this path toward adulthood. I hope it turns out to be at least a little of what it's cracked up to be!

My First Old Man...

My husband was not a huge fan of this nickname, but it was with the utmost affection and love that I referred to our late, great, shepard as "the old man." Our dog, McConnell, lost the battle with some internal awfulness on Friday, February 6. He was 14, and had been part of my husband Blair's life since birth. They had a bucketload of good times (check out his blog to see pics and read all about it).

Although I came on the scene only 6 years ago, I developed a great bond with this dog, and always considered him secretly mine, too. We went running. He loved to swim, and desperately wanted into Brush Creek (nasty!) when we walked past it. He loved peanut butter and ice cream, all the tastier when combined. He was a truly special member of our developing family, and was the commander-and-chief when we broght home a cat, and then a puppy, with whom to share our affections.

McConnell will surely be missed by many. None more so than Blair, and myself. We are so grateful for all the years we had with him...

My Letter to the Editor

Passing this bill is crucial. I am a 29 year-old graduate student, and I've been married less than two years. During that time my husband has been unemployed twice; a total of 7 months. His graduate loans came due 3 months prior to being fired, and then he totaled his car. Meanwhile, my car died. In these approximate 20 months of marriage, we have had 5 types of insurance, each of which barely covers us for previous conditions, including 'mental health illness', and birth control.

We are educated, hard-working, determined individuals. Our parents worked to provide us with the means for a successful future. Why has that slipped from the realm of reality? I will be fortunate to find a job in May, when I receive my MA in Counseling and Guidance, despite this being a field in constant need of clinicians.

I seriously doubt our ability to have a 'better' life than our parents', and isn't that what we want for younger generations? That does not bode well for the children of the future.

We cannot afford more unemployment, fewer teachers, inaccessible healthcare, or inefficient energy. This bill simply has to pass.

The Stuff That Stresses...

... Not in any particular order

1. the staggering prevalence of child sexual abuse
2. a show on mtv that has a title something along the lines of 'bisexual twins looking for love'
3. not fitting into pants i could a year ago
4. cat puke
5. unsuccessful searches on my university library account and the nat geo website for an article on why neanderthals didn't survive: in short, because they ate one another and had no real sense of community... get with the program republicans, or this could be you!

What Now?

The scary emails that have been going around for months seem to be continuing. There are folks out there that still feel the need to forward ridiculous emails about Obama: being a Muslim, hiring all manner of unqualified people to staff his White House, taking everyone's money and giving it to people that don't work. When will it end? Will we be subjected to this nonsense forever?

I just don't understand why this continues. What is meant to be accomplished by such antics? Case in point: my best friend forwarded this email that her husband's grandmother had sent. Yes, grandmother. It proceeded to outline (ignorantly and unconvincingly, I might add) how one cannot be both a Muslim and a good American. Pretend for a moment that this is even a valid argument, and consider instead the fact that Obama is not, for the billionth time, a Muslim. Really. How many times does this have to be pronounced?!

Now, back to the email itself. Aren't we as Americans supposed to be equal? Why then, are we so damn afraid of anyone that varies slightly from ourselves? I won't even attach or post this email because of it's extreme ridiculousness and idiocy. I just wish that people would wake up and realize that Barack Obama will be our President come January, and perhaps our energies would be better spent focusing on making our country better and not on denigrating the next leader of the United States.